


Taking Your Spy to the Dentist for Dummies

by Mochas N Mayhem (KoohiiCafe)



Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Comedy, Dean Baker needs to die, Eggsy is a Little Shit, Fluff, Full body massage, M/M, Mostly Gen, Multi, Past Child Abuse, and a little but of nudity, and lots of little shits, because, but no smut, there's just a little bit of, with a bit of angst mixed in
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-23
Updated: 2016-08-23
Packaged: 2018-08-10 13:29:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,145
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7846939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KoohiiCafe/pseuds/Mochas%20N%20Mayhem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Having trouble getting your spy to go to the dentist? Included in this edition of the award winning '<i>For Dummies</i>' series are eleven easy steps for getting reluctant spies to see a dentist and take care of any dental issues!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Taking Your Spy to the Dentist for Dummies

**Author's Note:**

> So. Your author has somewhat paralyzing odontophobia. Like, panic attack levels of odontophobia. Seeing as I am in the middle of going through several rather big dental procedures this year, I decided the best way to cope with my fears was to inflict them on some poor, unsuspecting fictional character. Because hey, misery shared is misery halved, right?

 

* * *

 

_1\. Assess the severity of your spy’s toothache. If your spy, like many spies, is averse to seeking medical attention when necessary, you may want to make your assessment without alerting your spy that you are aware of their need. Be careful during this stage, as often spies suffering from a toothache will try and hide their condition._

 

* * *

 

It was Harry who noticed it first. Their reservation at the restaurant had been for all three of them, but Bors had blown up the wrong building on his mission, and when Merlin had gotten called back to deal with it, he’d insisted Harry and Eggsy go on without him. The younger man had put up something of a protest at first, but Harry- long used to unexpected interruptions when it came to the dates he and Merlin had shared over the years- had soothed him with a promise that they would treat the Scot to something special later. Then, after kissing Merlin goodbye, he’d collected Eggsy and delivered him to dinner, watching with satisfied pleasure as he enjoyed a meal the likes of which he’d been denied through his youth.

Now, however, his gaze turned from one of voyeuristic contentment to careful watchfulness, because something… Something about the way his young lover had just moved…

Eggsy was just laying down his spoonful of cold, rich ice cream after barely touching the decadent dessert, and something that almost looked like regret flashed through his eyes. Then, as quickly as it had come, it was gone, and he was leaning back, patting his stomach as if he was full. Harry didn’t believe it; he was fairly certain that he’d seen Eggsy _flinch_ when he’d first taken a bite of his frosted concoction.

“Are you alright, darling?” He kept his tone light and easy, unwilling to give away his suspicions. Suspicions that were confirmed when Eggsy turned a far too bright smile towards him, rubbing his stomach with a great deal of exaggeration.

“Yeah, Haz, ‘m great. Just full, yeah? These meals’r _huge_ for a fancy place like this, mighta’ let my eyes get too big for my stomach.”

He was earnest as he answered. _Too_ earnest, in Harry’s opinion. Rather than argue, Harry simply nodded and smiled benignly.

“Of course, my dear.”

 

* * *

 

_2\. Inform your spy’s handler and support team of the situation. Your spy’s support team can be a useful asset in completing your assessment of the toothache; quite often, they will want to help out of shared concern for your spy. Take advantage of their assistance if offered._

 

* * *

 

Eggsy was long asleep by the time Merlin returned home from the manor, sprawled out across the bed and snoring somewhat loudly. Harry, for his part, was sat against the headboard when his husband finally looked in on them, running his fingers absentmindedly through Eggsy’s hair where the boy’s head laid in his lap. Merlin began to push the door open fully, but Harry shook his head minutely. He cast his eyes down at Eggsy, then up at Merlin, past him through the door, and back at Merlin. The other man nodded briefly and withdrew back through the door silently, leaving Harry to slowly shift out from beneath their lover. Eggsy grumbled softly, mumbling nonsensically in his sleep, and Harry pressed a kiss to his forehead, waited for him to settle, then made his way out of the bedroom, carefully shutting the door behind him.

He found Merlin downstairs in the kitchen, already starting a pot of tea for them both. Before either of them spoke a word, Harry stole a long, chaste kiss, mindful that they weren’t alone in the house. When he pulled back again, he smiled slightly at the Scot, cocking his head slightly.

“I suspect,” he began, his voice soft, “that we might have a problem on our hands.”

“Oh? What might that be?”

“How thorough was the dental exam the candidates received during the Lancelot trials?”

Merlin’s eyebrows arched at the seeming non sequitur, his head tilting somewhat quizzically. He seemed to consider for a moment before he answered.

“The candidate physical exams are just as thorough as those a full knight receives,” he said slowly. “Although one of the candidates signed a waiver rather than go through the dental portion.”

The tech wizard flicked his eyes upward at the last, then looked back to Harry. Harry nodded.

“I see.”

It wasn’t a question, even without Merlin’s telling look. Harry’s lips pursed.

“Has Agent Galahad gone through the mandatory annual exams yet?” was his next question. Merlin’s eyes narrowed.

“Nae. We’ve been rather busy since the lad’s knighting, as you’re aware.” The Scotsman paused, his gaze meaningful. He didn’t have to continue for Harry to hear the question, even before he said, “Why do you ask?”

“Eggsy barely touched his dessert at dinner. It was rather unusual, given his fondness for ice cream, but his first bite seemed to disagree with him.”

 _There_. He could see the realization dawn in his husband’s eyes, even with such a vague statement. Merlin understood. _Good_. His support would be crucial for what was to come.

 

* * *

 

_3\. Once you have completed your assessment, it will be time to advise your spy to make a dental appointment. You may feel the need to corner your spy in order to complete this stage; be careful of doing so, as your wounded spy may not react well to your advice, and may attempt to flee. If your spy agrees too easily at this stage, do not believe them; spies are very skilled in lying, and most likely will attempt to deceive you._

 

* * *

 

“ _He’s on his way to the bullet train now_.”

Merlin’s voice was tinny as it came over his glasses, and Harry nodded sharply in response, even as he quickly pushed his chair back from his desk and started for his office door.

“Where do we stand on time?” he asked, setting a fast, yet gentlemanly pace as he walked.

“ _He’s just left the gym. At the rate yer going, you should reach the train less than a minute before he arrives. I’ve ensured that the train will arrive just after he does._ ”

“Understood. Keep me apprised if anything changes.”

“ _Yes Sir._ ”

Harry sped his pace just slightly as he walked, intent on reaching the platform before Eggsy. They’d been watching over the younger man for several days now, making judicious use of the surveillance systems on both manor and shop grounds, as well as reports from their young Lancelot, and Harry’s suspicions had been confirmed. Eggsy was indeed suffering from some kind of toothache. One that he refused to tell anyone about; not even Roxanne had been able to pull a confession from him. The evidence, however, told the story perfectly. Not only had he been avoiding any kind of cold food or drinks since their dinner that night, he had _also_ taken to turning down any sweets offered to him.

When he’d turned down Harry’s homemade triple layer chocolate tart, it had been their final confirmation. It had been clear an intervention was needed, and therefore they had settled on a plan to confront him over the issue. Roxanne had acted as their distraction and delay while Merlin cleared the halls and train of any interference, and now it was Harry’s turn to step in.

As he stepped up to the platform to wait, Merlin whispered in his ear;

“ _Incoming in sixteen seconds. Are yeh sure you can_ -”

“Yes,” he cut his husband off quickly, unwilling to appear distracted when Eggsy appeared. Merlin didn’t respond, and sixteen seconds to the dot, Eggsy rounded the corner of the platform.

“Harry!”

The grin the boy was directing at him was genuine, but fraying at the edges, and Harry recalled that Merlin had caught him on the surveillance cameras sneaking paracetamol earlier that afternoon. He was careful not to let the concern show, however, simply smiling fondly in return.

“What’re you doin’ here? Don’t tell me yer leavin’ this early in the day?”

“I am, in fact,” he answered, letting himself chuckle. “It seems our dear taskmaster Merlin has deigned to defer my paperwork for the afternoon. I believe he said, and I quote;” He paused for a moment, putting on his worst Scottish accent, and continued; “‘I can’t deal with yer whining for one more second, now get out of here.’”

“ _Oh for god’s sake,_ ” Merlin groaned in his ear, and Harry had to suppress a smirk. “ _Don’t ever try to imitate a Scottish accent again, yeh sound terrible_.”

“Oh I’ll just bet,” Eggsy snorted in front of him, and he let his smile widen this time. Before he could reply, a familiar rumbling sound signaled the arrival of the train. As the doors before them slid open, Harry gestured genteelly.

“I suggest we board before he finds some reason to change his mind,” he said. Eggsy laughed, rolled his eyes, and stepped aboard. Following him in, Harry elegantly sank into the seat opposite him and waited carefully for the doors to slide closed. Only when the train began to move, sealing them in for the ride to the shop, did he speak again, his voice casual.

“I understand you’ve been having some trouble with your teeth?”

Eggsy choked. Harry continued, unperturbed.

“Is there a reason you haven’t said anything about it, my dear?”

“I- I- I dunno what yer talkin’ about guv!” It was far from his best lie, green eyes wide as he stared at Harry, his head shaking quickly. “I ain’t been havin’ any toothaches, where’d you get ‘n idea like that?”

“I believe the amount of paracetamol you’ve consumed in the last several days speaks for itself,” Harry answered mildly, cocking his head to one side and blinking innocently. Eggsy flustered.

“I’ve just been a little sore, bruv! Been workin’ out a lot, sparrin’ with Rox, an’ you know how hard she hits.”

“I do, yes.” The older man nodded wisely, and added, “I also know that Lancelot has been taking it rather easy on you the last several days, as per my orders.”

“ _What_?” Eggsy all but shouted, but Harry didn’t let him get any further than that, keeping his own voice calm.

“I know as well that you’ve been avoiding eating anything cold or rich in sugar. It was rather telling when you turned down my triple layer chocolate tart last night.”

“I-” Harry could see, as Eggsy tried to protest, his shock beginning to shift into something a little more desperate. “I just wasn’t in the mood for it!”

There was a reason they’d chosen the train as the venue for this confrontation. Eggsy was trapped here with him, with no way to run, until they reached the shop. He couldn’t escape the conversation. Harry leaned forward just slightly, careful not to reach out as he didn’t want to startle the younger man, or give him reason to be any tenser than he could see he already was.

“Eggsy, in all the time I’ve known you, I’ve yet to see you turn down chocolate. You’ll not convince me that you’ve had a sudden change of heart without reason.”

“I’m _fine_ , Harry, swear down!” Eggsy’s voice was strident, a stark contrast to Harry’s own calculatedly calm tone. There was something behind the other man’s tone, behind the wide eyes that stared at Harry, and Harry began to suspect that perhaps his lover’s refusal to admit to a toothache was more than his typical refusal to admit when he was hurt.

“You’re not, darling.” When Harry leaned forward this time, he slowly moved to lay a palm on Eggsy’s knee across from him, noting how incredibly tense he felt beneath his hand. “You’re in pain. I can’t abide that. Nor can Merlin. We’re going to take care of you.”

“Harry _no_.” Eggsy was shaking his head, leaning back in his seat. “I’m fine, there ain’t no pain to worry ‘bout, alright? Don’t worry about it!”

“You need to make an appointment for your dental exam, my dear,” he answered, and as gently as he squeezed Eggsy’s knee comfortingly, his tone was just as firm.

 

* * *

 

_4\. Make a dental appointment for your spy. You will want to do this regardless of whether your spy agrees to make an appointment themselves. Once the appointment has been made, make your spy’s support team aware of the appointment._

 

* * *

 

“ _Well that went well_ ,” Merlin commented in his ear. Harry very politely refrained from rolling his eyes, instead watching their lover’s back as he disappeared out the front door of the shop at high speed. As the door swung slowly closed after him, he sighed quietly, turned, and headed up the back stairs.

“As well as can be expected,” he answered once he’d reached the privacy of his shop-based office. “It was obvious he had no intention of telling us about his toothache, and he clearly wasn’t expecting anyone to notice.”

Merlin snorted in his ear and replied; “ _God knows why he thought that. Has the lad forgotten what we do for a living?_ ”

“Not forgotten, I think. More like he deluded himself into thinking he could fool us.”

“ _Not likely_ ,” was the response, Merlin’s tone almost amused before it settled into something a little more serious. “ _Should I dispatch someone to tail him?_ ”

Harry shook his head to the negative, settling down behind his desk. “No, not yet. He’ll need a little space after being cornered as he was. Do have someone watch for him over the CCTV network, however. We don’t want to lose him.”

“ _I’ve already instructed Nimue to keep track of him._ ”

“Good. Speak to Argante as well. Let her know that we need to schedule a full dental exam for Galahad. Make sure she knows that he’s been having problems.”

“ _I’ll speak to her personally. Once we have a time set, I’ll let you know._ ”

 

* * *

 

_5\. Inform your spy of their appointment. Inevitably, at this point, your spy will either try to convince you that their toothache is gone, or they may simply pretend that they have every intention of attending their appointment. Again, do not believe your spy. Stand your ground. If you are higher ranked than your spy, you may have the option of making this an official order; if so, take advantage of that. If your spy protests and claims that you are abusing your power, remember that this is for your spy’s own good; a toothache can distract your spy in the field, and thus may hinder their performance._

 

* * *

 

It was almost five in the morning, and the light from the rising sun was just beginning to filter through the balcony doors of his office when Eggsy tried to sneak past the office towards the bedroom. It left Harry feeling almost uncomfortably like a parent waiting up for a wayward child as he called out casually;

“Your dental exam has been scheduled for Monday, at eight in the morning.”

Eggsy froze at the words, not quite past the door, just within his line of sight. He watched, leaned back in his chair, and it was easy to see the way the younger spy mentally carded through his options before settling on resignation. He visibly relaxed then, turning towards the door.

“What’re you doin’ still up, Haz?”

“I could ask the same of you,” Harry returned, suppressing a grimace at the nickname. The use of it was an attempt to deflect the conversation and Harry’s concerns, and he wouldn’t fall prey to it. He tilted his head back instead and arched an eyebrow at his lover, waiting for an answer.

“Just felt like wanderin’,” Eggsy grumbled when it became clear Harry wasn’t going to give his own answer. His eyes darted back and forth quickly, from Harry to the direction of the bedroom door, and back again, and Harry offered;

“Merlin’s gone to bed already, if you’re wondering. He’s been rather concerned for you- we both have- but he was exhausted after a long day of monitoring agent feeds.” Particularly Eggsy’s. He didn’t need to give voice to that for Eggsy to know.

“Oh.” The younger man looked down, guilt flashing through his eyes as he scuffed his Oxfords against the floor. Harry sighed and held out a hand.

“Come here, darling.” When he didn’t move immediately, Harry pushed away from his desk and patted his lap lightly. After staring for a moment, confliction clear in his lovely green eyes, Eggsy finally huffed quietly and stepped towards Harry and into the room. Harry pushed back further, shifting to make room in the chair. It was only with a slight hesitation that Eggsy crawled up into his lap and onto the chair once he reached him, swinging his knees to bracket Harry in; Harry in turn wrapped his arms around his lover, running one hand soothingly up and down along his spine.

“Look, Harry,” Eggsy started, reaching to fiddle with the older man’s tie, not quite meeting his eyes. Harry shook his head, cutting him off.

“ _No_ , Eggsy,” he said softly. “I can understand having no desire to go see the dentist- I’ve no particular love for it myself. Whatever our personal feelings, however, dental health is important, both as an individual, and as a Kingsman.”

“‘As a Kingsman,’” Eggsy repeated back, scoffing, still playing with the tie, still avoiding eye contact. “What the fuck does a toothache have to do with bein’ a Kingsman?”

“It can be distracting in the field, for one,” the older man pointed out, tactfully declining from pointing out that Eggsy was all but admitting to having a toothache. “We also need to have a copy of your dental records on file, my dear, for a number of reasons. Beyond that…” He paused momentarily, using one hand to draw the other man down just enough to place a chaste kiss on his forehead. “Left untreated, even a simple toothache can evolve into something quite dangerous; while uncommon, there are those who have died when the infection of a single tooth spread to other areas of the body.”

Eggsy shuddered in his arms, leaning down and in and all but burying his face into Harry’s neck. The hand not petting his back swept up to rifle through the younger man’s hair, and Harry laid several more light kisses upon him, this time to his bared neck. The boy’s words were muffled against Harry’s skin when he mumbled;

“Can’t ya just put it off? I'm fine, I promise.”

“You _will_ be fine,” Harry corrected gently. “You’ll go in on Monday morning. Merlin and I will be with you. You’ll be fine.”

 

* * *

 

_6\. Set up surveillance on your spy to ensure they don’t cancel or change their appointment. Your spy’s support team can be essential in completing this step. As spies can be very paranoid when it comes to being spied upon, and will often disable any surveillance they discover, you may want to set up one or more backup surveillance systems. It is recommended to have the surveillance streamed, recorded, and saved to multiple places, as your spy may attempt to wipe out any records already made if they discover your surveillance._

 

* * *

 

“ _Yer protege_ ,” Merlin grumbled, leaning forward towards his mic, “has disabled all the bugs in the house, as well as all the bugs in his office.”

“‘ _ **My** protege?_ ’” Harry echoed, his tone far too amused. Then his husband’s glasses feed shifted upwards, looking straight at one of the bugs in his own office; Merlin didn’t need to look at the side monitor that held that camera feed to know the amused smirk Harry wore. “ _Need I remind you who actually taught our boy how to find and disable surveillance equipment?_ ”

“That was before he was ‘our boy,’” came the annoyed answer, and Merlin flicked Harry’s glasses feed away to start methodically scrolling through the multitude of manor cameras to search for said boy. “That was also before I realized we’d have to resort to spying on him just to get him to see a dentist.”

“ _I’ve said it before, and I daresay I’ll say it again; he’s full of surprises. Shall I go find him?_ ”

“Negative. If I can’t find him over the security feeds, I’ll send Lancelot after him; he’s liable to be more open to receiving her than either of us.” He didn’t have to remind the other man that Eggsy had been playing his own sort of ‘keep-away’ game with both of them since Harry had confronted him on the train. He hadn’t yet cottoned on to the fact that Roxy was in on it all as well. “If yer itching to do something, you can go replace the bugs he’s disabled. Yeh might try hiding them a little better this time.”

“ _Your trust in my ability to hide bugs is astounding_ ,” Harry answered dryly. “ _Are you sure it was the placement of the bugs that allowed him to disable them, or was there perhaps a flaw in your equipment?_ ”

Oh, so he wanted to play it like that, did he? Merlin smirked a little, waiting until he could hear that Harry was up and moving before answering.

“Once yeh’ve bugged his office and our house, pay a visit to Miss Unwin’s home as well; a few bugs placed there might be of some use.”

If Merlin hadn’t been listening closely, he would have missed the scuffling sound of a stumble and the bitten off curse that followed his words. His smirk widened exponentially as Harry grumbled a reply of; “ _Your generosity astounds me, Merlin. Arthur out._ ”

 

* * *

 

_7\. Ensure that your spy’s mission roster is cleared prior to their appointment. Your spy may attempt to go behind your back and schedule a mission in order to avoid their appointment; consult with your spy’s superiors and make sure they are aware of the situation to ensure they are not taken in by this technique._

 

* * *

 

“Merlin?”

The Scot turned at the call of his name, looking to where Viviane had poked his head into his office after a short knock on the door. He gestured shortly for him to enter before turning back to his search of the manor security cameras. He hadn’t been able to find Eggsy through them yet, and given that the lad had somehow managed to disable his glasses, it was starting to concern him.

“Is there something yeh need?” he asked, his voice somewhat distant, a good deal of his attention dedicated to his search. He heard the door close behind the Lady of the Lake before he spoke again.

“It’s about Agent Galahad, sir,” he said. That was enough to pull his attention sharply from his monitors back to his Lady.

“What about him?”

“I thought you’d said he was grounded until further notice.” He had a tablet in his hands, and as he came towards his desk, he was tapping quickly through several commands. Merlin’s eyes narrowed.

“He _is_. I cleared off his mission roster myself.” Merlin’s voice was stony, and he reached to take the offered tablet when he held it out to him.

“Someone assigned him to a three week long surveillance mission to France with Bedivere.” He paused, one eyebrow raised, even as Merlin glared, all but slammed the tablet down onto his desk, and turned back to his monitors sharply. “The assignment has your signature.”

“I’m going to kill him myself,” he growled.

Viviane supplied helpfully; “By this point, they’ve been in the air for half an hour.”

“ _Dismissed_ ,” Merlin replied sharply. Before the Lady had even reached his office door, the Scot had looked up which plane they’d taken and was keying into the plane’s comm system. His voice was unforgiving as he all but roared; “ _Galahad, turn that plane around right this instant, or so help me_.”

 

* * *

 

_8\. Plant at least one tracker on your spy, if not more. It is possible that, once they realize their inability to cancel, change, or avoid the appointment, they may try to flee or go into hiding. Give your spy’s support team access to the trackers for greater assistance in locating your spy during any flight attempts._

 

* * *

 

“For the record,” Merlin drawled languidly, knowing that the five trackers that Eggsy hadn’t already found and ditched would nicely transmit his words. “All of yer assets have been frozen, and yer aliases placed on the no-fly list.”

The colorful swearing that followed impressed even Merlin, and he’d heard quite a bit of cursing over the years. His eyebrows traveled further and further upwards as the lad went on, until he finally interrupted;

“While I’m somewhat entertained by yer originality, I’m fairly certain that’s not humanly possible; spines don’t bend that way.”

“ _Shut it, Merls_ ,” Eggsy half grumbled, half growled.

Suppressing a grimace at the hated nickname, Merlin leaned back and watched on the CCTV feed as Eggsy threw down the pack he’d been carrying, frustration clear in his movements even through the grainy footage.

“Come home, Eggsy,” he answered instead, intentionally softening his voice.

“ _Nuh uh. Not unless comin’ home means I don’t hafta go do that exam._ ”

“Yeh know I can’t agree to that.” Merlin sighed, and on the screen Eggsy kicked out at the wall beside him, leaning one shoulder against it. “I know yer not looking forward to this exam-”

Eggsy snorted, loudly, shaking his head and interrupting sharply; “ _You don’t know shit about how I feel about it._ ”

“Oh?” Merlin kept his voice carefully even. If he could avoid stirring the lad up, if he could convince him to come home _without_ sending someone after him, he would. “Then why don’t you tell me?”

“ _Why? So you can keep me distracted while ya send Harry ta come ‘n get me? Don’t think I don’t know how you think, guv_.”

“If yeh know me so well, then you would know that had I simply wanted to send someone after yeh, I wouldn’t have called yer attention to the fact that I know where you are,” he rebuttled. Eggsy stilled on the screen, then turned away from the camera before the grainy feed could catch his expression. Instead he reached up to pull his snapback further down to hide his face, silent as death. “Harry’s at home, waiting for us both. I’m not leaving here until I know you’re safely home as well.”

There was a long pause. Eggsy didn’t move on the screen, other than to hunch his shoulders down where he stood. Merlin waited patiently, waiting for the younger man to break the silence.

“ _Look_ ,” he finally said. “ _I get ya. I know ya think it’s important, an’ I mean, I guess I know it is too. But it ain’t that easy. I can’t just-_ ”

“Come home,” Merlin repeated, his voice gentle. “I’ll meet yeh there, and we can sit down together. I can hold yeh in my arms and we can talk this out face to face. I’d say that sounds a sight better than talkin’ to yeh like this. Wouldn’t you?”

“ _Yeah… alright._ ”

 

* * *

 

_9\. Keep your spy company from at least the night before the appointment until the appointment itself. Not only will this discourage attempts to flee, it may also lessen your spy’s anxiety or fears regarding their appointment. You may also wish to keep sedatives or restraints on hand for any escape attempts._

 

* * *

 

When Merlin arrived home, it was to find Harry on the sitting room couch with Eggsy curled tenderly in his arms. The lad had changed from his suit to one of Harry’s older worn pyjama sets, sleeves and trouser legs rolled up at wrists and ankles, and Harry was stroking soothingly up and down his back beneath the top. It was a strangely more vulnerable scene than other times Merlin had come home to them in the same position, and that had everything to do with the way Eggsy’s face was buried into Harry’s neck and shoulder, and the tenseness he could see running through the lines of the boy’s body. Breathing in deeply, slowly, Merlin locked eyes with Harry first, who nodded, and then moved to claim the seat beside them on the couch.

“Eggsy,” he said quietly, waiting, not missing the way their boy flinched at the sound of his voice. Sighing softly, he reached out, letting his hand hover just above the lad’s shoulder, close enough that he would be able to feel the warmth of it, but not touching yet. He let Eggsy himself initiate the contact, and he did after a long moment; he leaned back into Merlin’s hand, unfolding himself from when he’d been curled into Harry. Taking it as the permission it was, and with Harry’s assistance, he first smoothed his hand from one shoulder to the next, then drew the younger man from Harry’s lap into his own arms. Kissing the top of his head first, he let Eggsy turn to burrow his way into his chest. “Sweetheart-”

“ _I know_ ,” Eggsy interrupted, the words a rough whisper into Merlin’s jumper. “I know I gotta, it’s just-” He broke off, wrapping his arms around Merlin tightly, and jumping the slightest bit when Harry shifted closer, close enough to reach out to hold them both. His voice was a little less muffled as he sank a little back into both of them. “You jus’ don’t know what-”

There was a moment of silence, their lover cutting himself off again. They let the silence sit for another moment, and then Harry broke it gently.

“We don’t know what, darling?”

There was another moment. Then Eggsy huffed into Merlin’s chest, shaking himself and gathering himself enough to sit up. He turned in Merlin’s arms again, one shoulder to the older man’s, so he could see them both. He spoke again, his voice rough, his eyes looking anywhere but at theirs.

“I ain’t been to a dentist in years, alright? Not since I was a kid almost. An’ it ain’t something I like to think about. It’s nothin’ but bad memories, it fuckin’ _hurt_ , and I just don’t- I don’t.” The words escaped in a rush, his voice thick with something that was and wasn’t like fear. It wasn’t something he was used to hearing from their young lover; as he exchanged a look with Harry over Eggsy’s head, he knew his husband felt the same sharp pain in his heart that Merlin did.

“Eggsy-” he began, but the boy shook his head quickly, finally looking up to meet Merlin’s gaze.

“ _No_. Don’t. If I don’t get this out now, I ain’t goin’ to period.”

The look he gave Merlin was pleading. Merlin nodded in return, answering, “Go on.”

“Alright.” Eggsy inhaled deeply, closing his eyes for a long moment. He didn’t speak until he’d opened them again, and his voice was serious. “I’m missing the one tooth, yeah? Can’t exactly hide that, it’s right there where you can see.”

It was Harry who nodded that time, moving close to them both to press against them as Merlin laid a gentle kiss to their lover’s temple, but neither man said a word. Instead, they let Eggsy talk, Merlin slipping his hand beneath the lad’s top to trace slow circles on his bare skin the entire while. He was slow, halting, but he got it all out without interruption.

“I was fourteen when I lost it. Dean came home pissed, reeked ta fucking high heaven. It was back when he was first startin’ ta show his colors. He got in a right rage, cause mum didn’t have dinner ready for ‘im. I couldn’t let ‘im hurt her, and he was gunna, so I got started yellin’ at ‘im. Called ‘im names, got ‘is attention on me. It worked, yeah- he forgot all ‘bout mum. Went after me instead, slapped me cross the face. Hit me hard enough it knocked one o’ my teeth loose.”

“I wasn’t gonna say nothin’, was just gonna let it be, but Mum wasn’t havin’ it. She made us both apologize, an’ Dean was still trying to look nice then, so after he said sorry, when Mum started makin’ a fuss about checkin’ me over, he volunteered to take me ta this private dentist he knew, said they’d fix me up right good. Mum was so glad he was tryin’ ta make up for what he’d done…”

“‘Cept this _dentist_ he took me to? Private dentist my fuckin’ arse. He was just some goon he kept to fix up ‘is mutts when goin’ to the A &E woulda given away whatever shit they’d pulled over on the coppers. He took care o’ me alright. Pulled the fuckin’ tooth right outta me mouth, said that way I’d never hafta worry about it again. An’, cause Dean insisted that it was the way ‘real men’ did it, he didn’t use any fuckin’ anesthesia.”

“I ain’t been to a dentist since. I- I can’t. I tried, once, cause I had a toothache so bad I was fuckin’ cryin’ whenever the painkillers wore off. But the moment I got in that fuckin’ chair… it wasn’t pretty. I freaked out, and never fuckin’ tried again.”

There was a pause, longer than any of the ones before. Eggsy’s gaze had wandered as he spoke, but he finally looked up to them again, meeting Harry’s eyes first, then Merlin’s.

“So do ya get it now?”

Silence fell.

It was Harry who leaned down and drew Eggsy into a tender, chaste kiss. It was Merlin who answered gently;

“Aye, love. We understand.”

As Eggsy shuddered, a halting sob beginning to break, as he collapsed forward into both their arms, Harry and Merlin met eyes over him.

Tonight, and come morning, they would take care of Eggsy. They would soothe him through what was to come, and help him to face his fear and come through it all the stronger. Later, much later, when everything was done... _Then_ they would be paying a visit to one Dean Baker.

 

* * *

 

_10\. Personally escort your spy to their appointment. If your spy consents, you may also want to join them during the appointment itself in order to support them. Ensure that, once the appointment has concluded, you consult with the dentist to learn of any future appointments or procedures that might be required for your spy._

 

* * *

 

“Alright, we’re here, I came to the dentist, that counts, now we can go.”

“ _Eggsy_.”

Both Merlin and Harry had taken the boy by either arm before he could even fully attempt to turn around and walk out the door they’d just come through. The younger man groaned, but made no real attempt to break free of their grasp, putting up only a token resistance. Harry chuckled lightly, shifting his hand up to Eggsy’s shoulder to squeeze lightly.

“You’ve been very brave this morning, darling. You’ve made it all the way here. You don’t have much farther to go.”

“He’s right, lad,” Merlin added. A thread of amusement ran through him, just as it did through Harry, but he opted for a more even tone than his husband. When Harry’s hand fell away, Merlin took both Eggsy’s shoulders in his own hands, turning the younger man to look at him. He met the boy’s eyes steadily. “I know yer nervous. I know the memory of what you went through before is there, lingering in yer mind. I also know that you have been through much, much worse. I have _been_ with yeh through worse, at yer side and in yer ear.”

He paused, keeping his eyes locked with Eggsy’s. Slowly, Eggsy nodded, swallowing hard.

“Yeah. I know.”

“Think of this as a mission, Agent Galahad. Yer yer task is to find out anything yeh can about a dental clinic we believe may be involved in secretive practices. Yer cover is to go in for a preliminary check up, because yer looking for a new dentist. Arthur will be yer backup in the field, and I will be in yer ear. Remain focused on yer task, and yeh’ll get through it just fine. Do you understand?”

“Y- yeah,” he stammered.

Harry looked up to Merlin, an amused and gratified look in his eyes. Then, playing along, he cleared his throat. “What was that, Galahad?”

“Yes Sir,” Eggsy answered, faster this time, his voice sharper. Merlin smiled, cupped the lad’s cheek in one hand, and leaned in to kiss his forehead. He was going to get through this just fine.

 

* * *

 

_11\. Take your spy home. Praise them for attending their appointment, and pamper them as much as they need to be pampered after such an ordeal._

 

* * *

 

Eggsy was shaking minutely as they helped him out of the cab and into the house. It was nothing serious, Merlin knew, only the adrenaline working its way through his system after facing his fear at the dentist- not much different than when the lad came home from a particularly ‘exciting’ local mission. This they could handle.

“It’s done,” the younger man was saying as they crossed the threshold, almost breathless and a little giddy sounding. “It’s fuckin’ done an’ over with. I got through it.”

“That you did, my boy,” Merlin answered, a soft, amused smile gracing his lips as he closed the door behind them. “You did very well.”

“It’s fuckin _over_ ,” Eggsy repeated, and the grin he directed at both of them was somewhat precious.

Harry chuckled and said, “For today, darling.” A reminder that there would be other appointments, given the treatment plan they’d worked out with Argante. Eggsy half scowled, but it wasn’t serious.

“Just gimme this, Harry, alright?”

“Of course,” he answered, and stole a quick kiss.

“Harry,” Merlin spoke up. “Take care of Eggsy. Make a spot of tea and help him get comfortable. I’ll be upstairs preparing. Come up whenever yer ready.”

“Understood.”

Eggsy looked up from Merlin to Harry, his brows furrowing in confusion. Smiling, Harry shook his head and reached down to take his hand.

“Come along, Eggsy.”

And led him into the dining room. Smile still in place, Merlin took a moment to watch them go before turning and heading up the stairs to the bedroom.

Once he reached the bedroom, he was quick to action. He laid a thick, wide towel atop the bed first, then moved to the attached bathroom to retrieve several of their oils. The oils he set out along the nightstand in the bedroom, then returned to the bathroom. There, he had a moment to appreciate his husband’s often overzealous addiction to some of the most expansive and ridiculously luscious shampoos, conditioners, lotions, and soaps; they would be perfect for finishing off the afternoon. He pulled out and set aside the ones Eggsy tended to favor when he indulged- often when Harry was out, as the older man could sometimes fuss about his products- and laid out several towels as well, the lushest and softest they had. That done, he washed up quickly and returned to the bedroom, stripping and throwing his own clothing into the laundry basket. After a quick rummage through his drawers for a set of silk pyjama bottoms, he settled in to wait for Harry to bring Eggsy up.

He didn’t have too long to wait before the door was cracking open. Eggsy entered first; his suit jacket and tie were gone, his shirt more than half unbuttoned, feet bare of both Oxfords and socks. Harry was behind him, still impeccably dressed with only jacket and Oxfords discarded. Eggsy’s jittering had faded even more, almost completely gone, although his grin was still a little dopey. He whistled as Harry shut the door behind him, commenting;

“If I’d known you were up here waitin’ for us like this, I’da made Harry come up sooner.”

Harry chuckled, ushering Eggsy towards the bed where Merlin was just standing, and answered, “I was merely allowing him time to get ready, darling.”

“Aye,” Merlin answered, smiling warmly as his husband delivered the younger man into his arms. Harry pulled away, beginning to undress himself, and Merlin drew Eggsy into a long, slow kiss. He kept it calm, reaching with one hand to finish undoing the buttons of Eggsy’s shirt and cupping the back of his neck with the other. Languidly he licked his way past the boy’s lips into the cavern of his mouth as he ran his fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck, his other hand pulling the tails of his shirt from his trousers and pushing it from his shoulders to pool onto the floor. As he undid the buckle of his belt, flicked open the button of his trousers and undid the zip, he pulled back enough to nip gently at his lover’s lips. Eggsy’s hands joined his in pushing down both trousers and pants as Merlin scratched blunt fingernails along the lad’s scalp.

Eggsy groaned against Merlin’s lips, and as he kicked his trousers and pants to the side, he surged forward and reached for Merlin’s pyjamas, but the Scot quickly drew back and caught his wrists in his own hands. He chuckled as he shook his head.

“ _No_ , Eggsy,” he told him, and placed one more gentle kiss upon his lips before releasing his wrists. He nodded his head towards the bed. “Up and onto the bed with yeh.”

“Oh yeah?” the boy questioned, his tone cheeky. “Bet I can see where this is goin’.”

“Not quite where you think,” Harry replied from near the closet doors. He was taking his time, stripping from his suit piece by piece and hanging them properly as he watched the pair of them.

“We’re going to lavish you, my boy,” added Merlin, and made a twirling motion with one finger where Eggsy was flopping onto his side onto the towel, setting into what he thought was a provocative position. “On yer back now.”

“Yeah, yeah,” the younger man huffed, and settled onto his back.

As he got into place, Merlin took a bottle of oil from the nightstand and uncapped it quietly, letting the faint scent of almond and coconut begin to suffuse the room. Eggsy inhaled deeply when Merlin begin to pour the oil in slow lines over his body, sighing in contentment.

“God that smells good,” he said. Merlin smiled.

“Thought you’d say that,” was his response, his steady hand unfaltering as he ran lines of oil up one leg, down the other. As he brought it up in a line to Eggsy’s chest, he felt Harry come up behind him finally, pressing the warmth of his bare chest to his back. “Nice of you to join us,” Merlin rumbled in amusement.

“As if I would miss the chance to run my hands all over our boy.”

Merlin finished his lines, capping the oil and setting it aside as Eggsy shivered a little.

“Fuck. Love it when you say that, Haz.”

“Call me Haz one more time, and it might be a time before you hear it again,” the older man teased. Merlin snorted in response.

“Like you could resist.” He twisted his head around enough to steal a kiss from his husband, then, “Other side of the bed, Harry.”

Harry nodded and moved away. Once he’d rounded the bed, Merlin made eye contact and nodded. As one, they reached down, hands starting at their boy’s toes first, then moving smoothly along his skin upwards.

There was silence after that, save for the soft groans Eggsy would make as their hands worked along his skin. They ran hands up his ankles, along his calves, working tension out in smooth, carefully dragging motions. Over his knees, massaging up and down his thighs; skirting his languidly growing erection and working over his hips. All along and across and up his chest, deft fingers only brushing over pebbling nipples without paying any special attention. More attention was paid as they worked across his shoulders to his arms, taking great care to loosen the muscles where fear and adrenaline had tightened them. Then, soon enough and an eternity later, they were nudging him gently to turn over, soft laughter sounding as he whined against the effort.

It was Harry, his soft spot for the lad a mile wide, who gave in and turned Eggsy over himself. Not without a bit of help from Merlin, of course, and then they began again. More oil was poured, and they worked backwards, up his arms and down his back, working at the tight knots Eggsy carried there. Kneading over the softer muscles of his arse, then down the back of his legs. He was all but melted into the towel beneath him by the time they were done.

Once they’d pulled back, it took only a nod of Merlin’s head for Harry to head to the bathroom; the sound of water followed in short order as he began to draw a bath for their boy. For his part, Merlin sat on the edge of the bed, running one hand up and over his lover’s shoulders.

“Eggsy, love.” His voice was soft as he called to him. When the only response he received was a muffled moan, he couldn’t help but chuckle. “Eggsy, yeh need to get up.”

“ _Noooo_.”

He could barely make out the reply, muffled as it was by the bed, and it put a sparkle of amusement in his eyes.

“It’ll be worth it, lad. I promise. Yeh just have to roll over and sit up.”

“Dun wann move,” Eggsy slurred, and he shook his head the slightest bit. “‘M goo, M’lin. Ya melted m’ inta a p’ddle.”

“Oh?” Merlin arched an eyebrow, even more amused. He made a point then of pressing lightly against the lad’s shoulder blade, almost poking at it, before drawing his hand down and doing the same to his arse. “Yeh seem pretty solid to me.”

“Lies. ‘M a puddle.”

“ _Eggsy_.” His tone was the sort of exasperated fondness that only Harry and Eggsy could draw from him.

“C’n’t sit up. Y’ gotta carry m’.”

Merlin let out a sigh that was just as fond and exasperated as his previous tone. As he gave in and shifted so that he could carefully pull his lover into his arms and carry him into the bathroom, he had to acknowledge that as much as Eggsy had Harry wrapped around his finger, both of _them_ had _Merlin_ wrapped around theirs.

Harry was just shutting off the faucets as Merlin entered, Eggsy held bridal style in his arms, the boy’s arms reached up to wrap around Merlin’s neck loosely. The other man arched a smooth, amused eyebrow. Merlin rolled his eyes and, as his husband moved to pour one of his scented bubbles into the water, carefully deposited Eggsy into the tub. As if changing the guard, Harry knelt by the side of the tub and ran a gentle hand down Eggsy’s cheek.

Merlin stood and moved to the sink to wash his hands and arms- and chest, since he’d carried the boy- of oil. After he’d toweled off, he left Harry to the washing of their lover to go into the bedroom. The oils were gathered and set aside, to be put up properly come morning, and the towel was bunched up and thrown into the bedroom laundry basket, along with both Eggsy and Harry’s shed clothing. The bed was turned down, awaiting the other two men, and then Merlin took a quick moment to check in with HQ through his glasses, keeping his voice soft so as not to be heard in the bath.

Once he was assured that Kingsman hadn’t fallen apart yet, with both Arthur and Merlin away for the day, he signed off. It was only early afternoon, but he was as ready to sleep as he knew his loves would be. It had been a long, _trying_ week for all of them.

Merlin laid down atop the pulled back duvet to wait… and found himself waking hazily when the bed dipped with the weight of another body. He groaned softly, moving as if to get up and help Harry get Eggsy settled in, but his husband’s hand on his shoulder stilled him.

“Be still,” the man ordered softly. A moment later, his eyes sliding closed without meaning to, he felt the duvet and sheets dragged out from beneath him. Warm, gun calloused hands shifted him, and a warm, soft form was pressed to his side. Merlin automatically curled an arm over Eggsy as the boy’s head instinctively burrowed into his shoulder. Moments later, Merlin was waking again when the bed shifted once more. Harry’s arm wrapped around them both from the other side of Eggsy, and his husband laid gentle kisses one by one to both their temples.

The last thing Merlin heard before he drifted off one last time was Eggsy’s sleep slurred voice, whispering.

“Love you both.”

**Author's Note:**

> True story; the last time I walked into the dentist office and said "Alright, we’re here, I came to the dentist, that counts, now we can go," [Gyhl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gyhl/pseuds/Gyhl) kindly informed me that she was holding my phone hostage until _after_ the appointment. Evil woman. /pout
> 
> Gyhl (Mary), who was also my beta reader for this. And who told me that this was also a guide on how to get _me_ to the dentist. Hiss.
> 
> So. Yeah. Some of this fic was. Somewhat based in personal reality. >.> ( _Although thank the lord, my own phobia inducing experiences were nowhere near as bad as Eggsy's. I mighta been kinda mean to poor Eggsy._ ) But, writing this out was nicely cathartic, and I hope you guys got some laughs out of it all!
> 
> If you're on tumblr, you can find me at [MakethWoman](http://makethwoman.tumblr.com)!


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